I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
