I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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