she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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