i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
