Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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