Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think i have two assholes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So vagazzling was a success
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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