Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
