Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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