pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
