I need help removing her.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
