I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
