As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
