When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize