someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
