we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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