smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
