that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
