before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
