I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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