Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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