My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
