Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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