I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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