am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
