somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
