The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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