I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
