I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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