I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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