So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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