Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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