i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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