Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
