I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
