someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
