I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
