I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I pour the whiskey from now on
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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