Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
