I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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