I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
