So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
