Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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