We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
