Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
