You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
