You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize