I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
