I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
