Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
