I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
