Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
