seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
