You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
