At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize