i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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