I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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