Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
