I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
