i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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