im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
