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So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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