is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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