I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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