If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
