Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
