You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
