In the future we'll all be gay
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
