i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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