the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
