Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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