so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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