i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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