Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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