went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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